


The empty thoughts that fill my head

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bar Scene, Help omg, Life is just so ew with tiredness, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, aot - Freeform, ereri, im writinng this in bed wow i have no friends, inside jokes r cool, levi is levi, m to be safe, mikasa and annie r a thing, riren - Freeform, snk, trans!eren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-05 09:06:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1812907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is 19 years old and has yet to find 'himself.' Levi comes in one night saving the day and giving Eren some kind of distraction from all the social awkwardness.   Love triangles maybe?????? ?? ?  </p><p>[Under construction!!! I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the plot and how to approach it! I will be changing a few minor things until I feel like it fits.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wigs...

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, This is dedicated to Taylor because I would have never updated this without her begging me to. I added shiz to it and spoofed it up.
> 
> Update: Please be aware that this is just so awkard for me to write since I'm confused about what Eren's gender should be. Please, I'm not trying to be rude in anyway. Right now I'm leaning towards the idea that trans!eren is almost(as of right now) an act that /he/ puts on. (Hence the male pronouns)  
> As the story goes on I will be sure to have a more permanent plot.

"Get it done Jaeger! Table 24 needs you!"

The manager Hanji Zoe wasn't letting up tonight since it was Christmas eve. Big parties of people were coming in and in, getting drunk all night long. Sasha was already busy with a huge, 3 table college party and Annie had three private parties.

Eren cursed under her breath. "God! This drags. Screw this..." She fixed up her bow tie and pulled up her skirt along with untwisting the nets covering her legs. She was tall and her wig fit perfectly. Her bright green eyes made her a favorite for some of the customers and Hanji wasn't letting her favorite employee ever leave, at least if she could help it.

Eren put on a new layer of lipstick and gave a menu to the guy at the table. From the looks of it he was already drunk, and alone...The poor dude looked like he just got dumped and was wasting away his sanity. Great. Another gross old man with problems.

Eren forced a smile, "Hi, welcome to the Trost bar, is there anything you would like to start off with?" The man was quiet, looking Eren up and down. He grunted and smirked then looked straight at her chest...Oh boy. Eren sighed and snapped her fingers re-gaining the man's attention to her face. This was getting grosser all the time. The man opened his mouth to say something but the loud college students all busted out laughing. Eren turned to see what was happening, but before Eren could see exactly what, she felt a arm snake around her hip.  
The man had moved closer to her and was enjoying it. She wanted to punch the guy out cold but that could end with the police and worse, a large bar fight.  
She took a breath trying to remain calm and smiled. "Sir, please let go." The man stood and Eren went cold. Her face was sending the signal, 'Get the fuck away.' but the man was too drunk to notice. Sasha, Annie, and Hanji were all too busy making up for the understaffed night to see what was happening, and Eren frantically looked around for an escape.

She groaned in protest when the man sniffed her neck, she struggled to get out of his grasp but it was becoming harder and harder. The man started to lean in for a kiss and that's when she decided to screw the risk of the cops. She fisted her hand and just before she could do anything more, she saw someone else's on the man's shoulder. Oh thank god. The man turned his attention around and let go of Eren. She winced at how she could still smell the man's stench on herself.

The person who had saved her was a shorter man with black hair and furrowed brows. He looked mad but Eren got the feel that he always looked like that. He spoke up, "She obviously wasn't enjoying that, filth." The taller man had a confused, and mad expression on his face. He looked to Eren and grabbed her waist again. "She looks fine to me, little boy.' Eren rolled her eyes and tried to push away the man's arm. He snarled at her, she returned the jester.  
The black haired man sighed deeply and ran his hand through his hair. Guess he wasn't one for short jokes. He looked at Eren, then looked at the pig of a man. The raven haired man moved Eren's hands away from the arm and pushed her away. The action was rough and quick but it did what Eren needed.

The drunken customer now looked like he was out for the kill. He took a large step towards him and balled up his fist. He took a swing but missed terribly. The other guy 'tsk'ed' and threw a punch of his own knocking out the drunken disaster.

There was a small silence between Eren and the hero, their eyes locked but only for a second.

A high pitched voice invaded their ears. "Leviiiiii."

Hanji ran over to him and wrapped her arm's around him. Levi pushed her away and looked a Eren again, "Whats a brat like that working here?" Hanji laughed and ran her arm around Eren's neck. "This is Eren, she gets in a lot of money! Isn't she pretty!?" Eren had an awkward smile and waved not really sure what to do.

\------

Levi shifted on his bar stool, noticing how much Hanji seemed to adore Eren.

"That guy is so gross Hanji! Seriously can we please make sure drunk perverts don't come in as often?"

"But Eren." Hanji whined, "Those are the kind that spend a lot!"

"Yeah but this isn't a strip club. I don't work here to be treated like it is!"

Hanji laughed and briefly hugged Eren, only making her more frustrated as it is.

"You're fineee" She repeted, "You're strong enough to handle these things right kiddo?"

Eren huffed and sat down. Annie was cleaning off tables and Sasha was eating. The hours were late and the bar was closing early do to the holiday. The dim light was making for a movie like setting and the tacky Christmas lights around the bar helped. There were only two people here and they were regulars, two older men who always came in to drink away their past. Levi finally spoke up.

"Glasses, what did you call me here for? this place is filthy and I want to leave." His voice was blunt and straight to the point.

"Ah, I actually need someone at the door tomorrow. It's Christmas and we are expecting a huge amount of people."

Eren added, "Oh and my sister said she could come in for a bit..."

Levi leaned his head onto his hand and took a drink of whatever is was Hanji said he'd like. It wasn't too bad.

"I won't do it for free."

Hanji squealed, "Of course you won't! I already have a pay figured out!! Just come in early! We need to set the show up!!"

Levi was about to ask but Eren butted in, "Wait, you mean you're going to do that again this year?! Ymir isn't here this year and Sasha and Annie aren't going to do it. Mikasa doesn't know how to, so theres only me."

Eren looked worried and tired, Hanji smiled and took a quick shot of whiskey. Her grin was ear to ear and truthfully scary. After she sighed and put the glass down she brought out a box from below her feet.  
"Wear this Eren. You'll look cute!" Inside the box was a red sleeveless dress with an A-line cut. There were two white soft cuffs to wear on your wrists and red 4 inch heels. Don't forget the black stalkings. Oh how this couldn't get worse.

Eren's eyes shot back and fourth from the box and Hanji's glowing eyes. His face tensed and she practically died. Oh. Hell. No. She had standards to keep up. She was about to argue when he heard a snicker from Levi.

"Brat, you look like you were just told that Brittney Spears only dated guys. Jesus Christ."

"Oh, I would't go that far into flattering her." Eren was shooting daggers at two people currently, and they all missed.

"Oh calm your shit down."  
Hanji laughed and pushed the box into Eren's hands.  
"Just come in tomorrow Eren."

Eren flipped the bird and took the box, getting up she kicked the bar and groaned.

Hanji had a somewhat sentimental expression but she still found it amusing. "Any ways Levi, you go on home too. The girls and I are closing up."

"Thanks shitty glasses for nothing. I guess i'll come if there is a decent pay." He got up and almost had a smile on his face. He didn't mind having these stupid chats with his old friends, He owed Hanji enough anyways.

He followed a little behind Eren and out the door, he noticed just how tall the girl was. She was actually attractive if he had to say anything on her looks. It didn't matter though. Girls to him were just whiny dogs, which he wasn't fond of.

He walked to his car, not saying anything to Eren, and she started to walk out of the parking lot. For gods sake, she didn't have a ride. Levi hit the steering wheel, knowing not to let a girl like that walk home at night and in this shady ass town.

After a minute of debating whether or not to do this, Levi drove up beside of Eren and opened the door. "Hanji would kill me if you were left alone, kid. Get in."

Eren didn't say much, she couldn't deny a ride home and this guy seemed better than a random dude who wants up her skirt.

 

\---------

Rain drizzled making the yellow street lights blur. Wind and small pieces of ice shook the car and frosted the windows. The moon was bright and it _felt_ good. If that made sense. 

 Eren spoke up.  
"Thanks...for before..."

"Yeah"

The reply was short and made the idea of being in a car alone with this man 200x scarier. 

She shifted in her seat to look out the window next to her, trying to avoid any strange eye contact that the two might have to go through.

"So, um, got a family?"

What else could she say? There wasn't anything else she could try to talk about. She didn't know what would be okay and what would set him off. 

Levi reached over to the glove box and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He held the steering wheel with on hand and lit cigarette with the other. He closed the pack and sat it back down before taking a long drag and rolling down the window enough to let the smoke seep out. It faded into the freezing, sharp air and helped to dilute the air even more. It was like a melancholy movie, sad, depressing, and strange but all for no apparent reason.

"Not really, how about you, kid?"

"Yeah, I guess. I have a sister and stuff..."

Levi glanced to Eren who had the back of her head turned to him. "Let me guess, you're mother recently died and you haven't seen you're dad in forever?"

Eren snapped her head back to him throwing the wig slightly out of place, but it wasn't visible. "How-"

 

"I've known a lot of people and i've read a lot of books. Over years you learn shit."  
  
"Anyways, why are you working at that shitty bar?"  
"Oh, you know, I'm trying to get into college but it takes money. My sister's friend works there and yeah. It just kind of happened"

Before Levi could reply the car in front of him stopped without notice and Levi slammed on his breaks.

Eren, who wasn't wearing a seat belt nearly hit the dash board and yelled "Shit". Levi groaned and looked at Eren to make sure she was okay. He opened his mouth but he didn't let a sound out.

Eren had took her wig off and let out a 'damn it.' Her face was read from the sudden shock and her breathing was miss matched. She took the wig cap off and ran fingers through her short messy hair. "This wig is too fuckin' hot"

She looked over to Levi and the words "Oh", came out of her mouth.


	2. The little shimmers of light coming from the windows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren becomes a little less nervous...

"Okay?"

 

Levi saw the ruffled brown hair from Eren and _almost_ , just almost looked surprised. Though he continued to drive. 

Eren looked a little nervous, he didn't think Levi would reject him and call him gross or anything.  It was just always a bit strange and awkward when people figured out he was indeed a male. 'okay' He thought and opened his mouth to explain while the feel of it all was still up in the air.

"So it started at the beginning of high school an-" Levi cut him off, "I don't need your dramatic sob story. I'm not going to treat you any different, so just spare me. What I do need is your address." Levi looked at Eren who had his eyes wide open. He wasn't expecting such a rude response, he opened his mouth but paused before saying anything, still processing it all.

"Okay."

He blinked and fully recovered from the little oddness of the situation. "Just... Keep going down this road and then turn on the third right and keep going until you get to the Sina apartments. 

Levi nodded his head with a simple 'Thanks' added. 

It would be about 10 minutes before Eren got to his raggity apartment and the moon was shining through the window onto his sleepy eyes. The silence in the car wasn't uncomfortable and it almost seemed nostalgic. The sound of his own breathing was calming and the little vibration the car gave off was soothing. The idea that there was someone right beside him was weird and yet it added for a nice warmth to it all. He was starting to drift off to sleep in someone else's car. He had no idea who this person was or what kind of things he liked, what kind of food did he like, or how many one night stands had been in this car. 

But right now that kind of thing didn't matter much.  All he cared about was breathing in the wistful smell and closing his moon bathed eyes.

 

Levi heard the brat's breath had slowed. He felt a feint squeeze in his hear just by looking over at Eren's sleeping face. It wasn't something he'd like to feel again, he felt a cold chill run through his body thinking about that face becoming matted flesh and a bloody mess.  He sighed and re-seated himself, looking at the road and only the road. Not daring to explore his mind more in fear of what might come to surface. Forgotten dreams and past experiences had already been dug up at the first glance of Eren in the bar. That was the whole reason he had even went over there. 

Something about this boy made a pit in Levi's stomach. He hated it. He didn't even know the full reason behind it. 

 

Levi called out Eren's name just loud enough to where he would wake up. His blue-green eyes were groggy from the quick nap and he hit his head on the window. 'Shit...' 

Eren slowly undid the buckle of his seat belt and breathed in deeply before letting it all out in a rush of air. He felt like sliding out of the car and sliding up the steps to his door but he thought that might hurt a bit...He opted out and took his heels in his hand and rolled his eyes at the sight of another idiot just getting back too.

Jean Kirstein. 

The relationship between the two was simple. They went to middle school together, high school too and were aiming for the same college. Though they distanced themselves and mind their own business even when they were apart of the same friends group. That's besides the point anyways. Basically they hated each other. Even with their no homo moments. 

Before Eren shut the car door he said something amazing, "Can you pick me up for tomorrow?"

Levi rubbed his temple and made a little 'tsk' sound but agreed. He didn't mind the brat even with his stupid questions and it wasn't like he would have to take a huge detour just to get to his place. 

And that's where things started to change slowly. 

\------

Eren unlocked his door and thank god Jean had already went inside his own place. Eren lived with a kid that he met through Annie named Armin. He was 18 and all was okay in his life. He was really smart with a scholarship and actually got along great with Eren.

They had known each other for about 5 years and had gotten close. They were there for each other and helped out in some pretty terrible situations where one is screwed. 

Of course Armin was asleep on the couch from endless studding for an upcoming test. There was an open book under his face and a pencil in the floor under his hand that was hanging over the couch. A blanket was scrunched up at the end of the couch with the blond's feet. Armin was like that. Clumsy and he over worked himself. Although, that was part of his charm.

Eren took the blanket and moved it up to Armin's shoulders, he moved the book and replaced it with a pillow and made sure to mark the page before closing it.

He went to the bathroom and washed his face. It felt like the dirt and sand and everything else was dripping off his face like goo. Gross. After drying off his face and realizing he was too tired to take a shower he got changed into a t-shirt and shorts and hopped into bed. Within minutes he fell into a dreamless sleep. He didn't even think about the new face he met today. Nor did he think about how drawn to him he would become. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone see my TFIOS thingy I did? I just got a poster and it has like 12 okay? okay.'s on it and i'm like dang.  
> But okay. Im just wondering if I should like, stop here and make it one big chapter? I don't think I will be able to update because a lot of crap just happened. I don't mind continuing i just don't want you guys to be pissed...


	3. Incoherent thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren wakes up and starts the day getting ready for work. Truths revealed and hopefully the plot becomes clearer to the writer.  
> Mostly just a bunch of description.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! So I updated. Yayyy. Oh gosh.

The first thing Eren heard was the alarm on the little night stand beside of him. He shot up, eyes wide open and the sand in his eyes making him restless.

He slouched and rubbed his face with one hand while the other was itching his lower back. A yawn escaped his mouth and he plopped back down onto his pillow groaning.

 

It was time to get up.

 

Armin was yelling from the other side of the door, "If you don't get up you'll be late! It's 8 already! Get up!" By the sound of it, Armin had somewhere he had to go, and was leaving right now. or at least in a moment. He lazily rolled off of his bed and sighed at the slight pain. He laid there for a minute deciding whether or not he should get up. After reasoning out in his mind that the money was worth it,  he slowly slid himself back up and ran his fingers through his hair.

Another yawn left his lips as he made himself head to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror he winced at how much of a slob he looked. It made him sick and it wasn't something he bothered to look at more than a couple of seconds.

The next thing Eren heard was the front door slamming and he figured Armin had just left. Eren was happy that Armin was becoming more social and from what he knew, Armin was actually growing a bit popular. A small smile found it's way on Eren's disheveled appearance. 

As he stripped his clothes off and started the mix of cold and hot water, he thought about how much Armin had grown. It was almost sad. Eren saw Armin from when he was weak and timid, but now he was becoming so much more. It felt like he couldn't catch up. Armin was 18 yet, he had already set a life up for himself. He was sure of where he needed to go and the people around him were supporting him 100%...

Eren's smile faded as soon as the reality of his situation flooded his senses.

Water had hit his back and the steam in the room was making for an uncomfortable mix with the cold air. The water pipes squeaked and screamed. It all sounded eerie.  Though, Eren closed his eyes and started washing down his hair.

His hair had been actually long once. Near the end of his freshman year he had let it grow out to his shoulders. With that and his slim build people sometimes even confused him to be his nonexistent sister. Oh, how much joy that was to see his mother explain. The slightly panicked look on her face was something Eren wouldn't forget. It was a cross between humorous and sickening to watch. Guess that's why she made him cut it all off in the end. Though, people never stopped mistaking him. Some girls called him out to be a dyke. That one time he actually had to wear makeup due to a stupid dare with Jean. he was about 17 at that point and nothing had changed.

He was still the same 15 year old boy he was when he started high school and most of his friends were changing. He was desperately searching for anything to change into. That was when he started to be attracted to other boys.

He _had_ started to change but it was confusing him even more.

All his life he never had any sexual attraction to either sex. You could say he was asexual, but he didn't notice it himself.   That all changed when he started to notice _Jean's ass._

Oh god, Eren thought he was going crazy. He thought he needed a psychiatrist or something to make him take back the thought of watching that round, firm ass walking off with that perfec-No. Just no. Eren never dared to think anything more. It was more embarrassing to him than anything. 

Mikasa had soon noticed and helped him out by explaining that it's completely okay to be attracted to a butt. Of course that was something he never wanted to sit through again- it helped(?) After he graduated high school he became more self aware and he didn't care that he liked the way a guy's ass looked better compared to a girl's. He didn't mind kissing one either. And that was when he started to feel almost girly at times. He felt just 'different' and he couldn't put his finger on what that feeling was.

He went back and fourth between wanting to be the stereo typical guy to wanting to be cute and seen as someone soft.  It wasn't something he focused on but it wasn't something he could ignore... Something was still missing. Everyone around him knew what they were. They knew what kind of person they liked, they knew what kind of person they wanted to be.  It seemed like Eren was the only one who needed an identity.

 And that's when Annie offered him the Job at Hanji's bar. Hanji only agreed to it if he dressed up like a girl and blended in with the whole 'appeal' that she had set up. Eren needed the money and...didn't feel too out of place when wearing the heels. So, "Fuck it" he thought.  From there, it just happened. People actually liked him and that was okay. No, that was more than okay. That was amazing. Everyone liked the way he looked and no one ever asked about his gender or if he prefered men or women. He didn't worry anymore over it and he just stayed in that little world. Not really knowing how to label himself, cause, he didn't. 

 The brunette jumped in surprise when he had heard is phone go off.   


. Eren struggled to quickly get out and to dry himself off to reach the phone.The screen flashed and a message from Armin appeared. 

It read'

"Eren, don't waist your time in the shower like you always do. Make sure you leave early enough! You have to add extra time because you're _walking_ there." 

He chuckled at how he couldn't save his life without Armin if he wanted to. The amusement quickly went away as he saw the time. He had to be there by 9 and it was 8:30.

He swiftly made sure he was as dry as he could get before he put on a black, long sleeved shirt with a black skirt and red tights. He blow dried his hair and put the simple wig on. He paced his breathing and felt his face heat up from the sudden pulse of energy, converse were the way to go as he slipped out through the cold metal door. He ran down the steps recklessly. Nearly falling on the slick ice that froze over from last night.  He almost dropped his phone and bag scrambling to calm himself down. He was going to  be there on time. He would make it for sure. 

 

 The side walk was covered in mushy snow and muddy ice making for a 'slosh' with each step he took. Puffs of air was forming after every breath and chilling his lungs. The birds made little sounds as they jumped around in trees and a black raven swooped down right in front of Eren. The black feathers reminded him of someone-something important. Eren stopped walking and gasped. But then groaned. He had already spent 10 minutes walking and then realized the guy named Levi was coming back to the apartment. The apartment that was now 10 minutes away. The apartment that Eren had already left from...oh well?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when the next chapter will be out. Although I will probably be correcting and fixing a lot of things in the previous chapters when I have the time. I'm way too ocd for this stuff.

**Author's Note:**

> Working on this and I will constantly hate it because i do that to everything that I make. So please help me get better.


End file.
